Test

But really, that happens to be my favourite question, or a variant of it. In a particular quiet time, I go ask the nearest person, "So.. what are you thinking?"

And I mean it, it's fascinating. I love to know what's on people's minds. Some minds I can't particularly read, and so I ask. Some minds I can read a bit and make a guess, but I want to confirm. Some minds I know what's going on at a particular time, but ask anyway, because I like to hear it spoken aloud, and it feels better that way sometimes for kaypoh (busybody) little me, and for the other party I hope. And lest you think I'm being intrusive, I only ask this question to people I'm close to, who I know wouldn't mind sharing.:) I happen to like asking the question, and being asked it.

* * *

And since I like talking to myself (Don't admit this in public, I was once advised), I ask myself too what's on my mind, for the simple reason that I'm not sure myself. It's all a load of mush right now, and I wouldn't know where to start.

All I know that something's going on in there, and I'm affected. Sometimes I think too that what's in the head is separate from what's in the (pardon me while I cringe at my own cheesiness) heart and what's in the other head (haha oops), but I think from my high school biology lessons it's really all in the brain. All in the head.

And the past two weeks especially, of goodbyes and long-distance calls and new changes, of dinners and suppers and meeting my favorite ex-colleague and good friends, of long walks by my lonesome and and the realization of too much/too little 'me' time, of stuff of the I-can't-believe-I'm-saying-this and I-can't believe-you-said-that kind, of more emo 'oh-shit-I-remember-this-feeling' moments, of waking up randomly at 4AM OR sleeping at 4AM, of being dazed and spacing out randomly at work, of SAS codes and correlation and reliability of parameter estimates, of birthday parties and beer and tequila and Japanese whiskey and Michael Jackson(!), of music and choir and harmonies and China, of tagged photos and videos and Facebook (I'm not flirting!) and Mafia wars, of lousy lousy Windows Live Messenger screwing up my conversations with at least three different people, of Holy Week and Easter reflections (or lack of) and of supreme love regardless, of little surprises that make me feel like I'm valuable, that I'm missed, that I'm loved, even if I'm feeling sloppy and insecure and slightly stoopid.

Yep, I confirm that lingering suspicion that it's all soup in my head right now. No surprise there.

(I realize the paragraph before the previous is so incredibly long and incoherent and random and painful haha and I'm sorry. That's the closest I can get to telling my current state of affairs.)