is for you
all of you to whom i matter
and who matter to me
to get inside my head
to swim in my thoughts
thoughts and thoughts
that have been swirling
round and round
thoughts i'm too lazy
too busy too exhausted
too scared too paiseh
too selfish too proud
to articulate,
by way of this blog
or otherwise.
the events and places i've been to
people who've kept me company
(and those whose company i keep
only in my thoughts)
sentiments i've been harboring
and the music!
the art, the tube
the fabric, the long walks
the messages (digital or otherwise)
the voices, the stories
(okay some alcohol too)
the memories
that have kept me going
they go
round and round
in and out
of my head
and in again
i sure as hell want
you
to know
to know me
partly because
i've become a lousy blogger
wanting to make amends
partly because
i just miss you!
i'll be missing you
maybe i've missed you before
you
who matter to me
and to whom i matter
now tell me about your day
All's well that ends well
It was a lazy weekend -- and I liked it that way. It was a weekend consisting of a book and a movie at Central Library, Grey's Anatomy, card games like Bridge and Hearts until 5AM, Absolut Vanilla, Choir practice at some faraway place, and capped by a relaxing back-of-a-green-pick-up ride at 1030PM to this prata shop at West Coast, with friends around, in a table with excellent cheese prata (one that would put the Fong Seng coffee shop to shame) and a big mug of ice-cold bandung.
All's well that's ends well, I thought.
I realise, however, that by the same token, all's unwell that ends unwell. I only needed to get back to the room, and well, all's unwell.
All's well that's ends well, I thought.
I realise, however, that by the same token, all's unwell that ends unwell. I only needed to get back to the room, and well, all's unwell.
Thankful
Results were out Friday -- I'll blog the details sometime else -- but yey Joseph's going for Honours Year! The grades were better than expected, and so Joseph is happy and thankful and will be blogging more about this the next time around.
:)
OK I just have to add on something, because I fear it might be a while since I post.
It feels great to achieve something I've been working hard for. Really, it may not be much (others have much higher academic expectations of themselves), but I'm happy. I'm happy because the hard work paid off, because I don't have to make a surprise graduation this year, because people who matter to me are happy for me -- especially my family who I know have been praying hard for this. I thank my Dad and Ma too especially, who never doubted me, and who nonetheless reminded me that even if I didn't make it, it didn't matter.
I haven't been too prayerful lately, but one thing I always keep in mind is that the Man Upstairs has always been playing some mysterious role in the events in my life (and everyone else's), whether favorable to us or not. I don't know how much he nudged the factors and circumstances in this one, but thank You.
It's good to finally be able to sleep with one less disturbing thought in my head.:D Goodnight!
:)
OK I just have to add on something, because I fear it might be a while since I post.
It feels great to achieve something I've been working hard for. Really, it may not be much (others have much higher academic expectations of themselves), but I'm happy. I'm happy because the hard work paid off, because I don't have to make a surprise graduation this year, because people who matter to me are happy for me -- especially my family who I know have been praying hard for this. I thank my Dad and Ma too especially, who never doubted me, and who nonetheless reminded me that even if I didn't make it, it didn't matter.
I haven't been too prayerful lately, but one thing I always keep in mind is that the Man Upstairs has always been playing some mysterious role in the events in my life (and everyone else's), whether favorable to us or not. I don't know how much he nudged the factors and circumstances in this one, but thank You.
It's good to finally be able to sleep with one less disturbing thought in my head.:D Goodnight!
Restless
I've been wanting to blog for the longest time, but I couldn't for some reason or another. I was walking to Old Chang Kee to buy a breakfast of sorts on my way to the bus stop, where I'd wait for my ride to the MRT station (where in turn I'll take a train to the office), when the thought struck again: Blog tonight.
Now after a long day at the office, heavy choir practice as soon as I arrived in the evening (no dinner too until 9:30PM), and an embarrassing one-on-one session with Adyll, our student conductor, I cannot quite bring myself to write a decent entry.
I can tell you what's bugging me though: the examination results will be out tomorrow. From seven o'clock in the evening they'll be up online. Oh man, am I scared. It's make or break, and I'm just so freakin' restless I think I'm even getting cranky already. And I really mean make-or-break, as in if I screw up, I don't get into Honours Year next year, and I'll be forced to graduate in July 2007, instead of July 2008.
Say a quick prayer for me please? Or if you don't pray much, just send me all your good vibes yeah? Thanks.
I'll probably be at the office to check my results. The officemates are planning a night-out, and we interns, I believe, are invited as well, but of course I may just pass if the big news I'll be getting isn't quite worth celebrating.
Anyway I'm now restless, in more ways than one (get it? GET IT?), and I think I'll iron my workclothes and catch some sleep. Goodnight.
Now after a long day at the office, heavy choir practice as soon as I arrived in the evening (no dinner too until 9:30PM), and an embarrassing one-on-one session with Adyll, our student conductor, I cannot quite bring myself to write a decent entry.
I can tell you what's bugging me though: the examination results will be out tomorrow. From seven o'clock in the evening they'll be up online. Oh man, am I scared. It's make or break, and I'm just so freakin' restless I think I'm even getting cranky already. And I really mean make-or-break, as in if I screw up, I don't get into Honours Year next year, and I'll be forced to graduate in July 2007, instead of July 2008.
Say a quick prayer for me please? Or if you don't pray much, just send me all your good vibes yeah? Thanks.
I'll probably be at the office to check my results. The officemates are planning a night-out, and we interns, I believe, are invited as well, but of course I may just pass if the big news I'll be getting isn't quite worth celebrating.
Anyway I'm now restless, in more ways than one (get it? GET IT?), and I think I'll iron my workclothes and catch some sleep. Goodnight.
I wouldn't have posted but...
... it was Moms' day until about 20 minutes ago, and when I called home one of the first things she asked was whether I had any new blog post.:)
Mama was never the type who would talk long with you on the phone (maybe she's worried about the phone bill, I don't know haha... and it was even me who was doing the calling), but you just know she keeps tabs on you, in an affectionate kind of way.
Now this isn't gonna be a cheesy entry, nope Sir, not at all. It's just another "Hello World" entry to update you guys what I've been up to. And of course, so that Ma will be a bit more pleased when she goes online. Hehe.
I've decided to upload some pictures instead. Haha. I'll upload the pictures from clubbing at Gotham Penthouse when cool partygirl Myriel uploads them on Multiply. (Myriel is unlikely to read this--but here's me intensely hoping/willing/sending off vibes to Myriel in the Philippines so she'd upload the pics soonest!) XD Hot photos there with me, Myriel, Karen, Nestor, Ferron, and Nestor's friend Jonas.:)
OK let's get it on with the photos I do have. The first of the more eventful things t
hat happened lately was of course THE END OF THE EXAMS. The exams happening is one thing, them actually ending is another event altogether, as far as I'm concerned.
The first photo at the right isn't the usual look of my room OK -- it was a photo right after my last exam, Financial Mathematics. It was my sixth exam, and the most dreaded too. I think it was Karen (or me?) who said that one's room reflects a person's state of mind, so you can figure out from the photo how much sanity (and dead brain cells) I had left after six grueling exams.
[Room update: I've moved out of my favorite room 801 here at Tower Block of Ridge View Residences, and I'm here now at my friend Aaron's room, 806. It's been a major chore moving out and moving in, and tidying up the place while Aaron's back home in Malaysia, but it's all almost done now, so we just have to get used to it. Aaron and I are such cheapskates, we're sharing the room to split the outrageous $60/week cost of stay for the holidays. And for the record, I'll be sleeping on the floor when he arrives.]
After my last exam on May 2nd, I had lunch with Shirley, my Financial Maths buddy, and headed back to my room for a well-deserved nap. I watched a free musical at the Univ Cultural Centre with Joanne in the afternoon, dropped by the Forum to torture Karen who still had another exam left, and to say hi to Carina, Myriel and Ferron, and went back to my room to rest. Rest was essential because the next day would be my first day at work! (Yes it was no rest for Jose)
One of the perks of doing an internship at a consulting firm is that I get to wear yuppie clothes. Haha. Slacks and long-sleeved shirts. Now I have reason to go shop at G2000. There was a G2000 sale lately and I helped myself to a couple of shirts and pairs of slacks. The photo above wasn't taken on my first day at work though. It was taken on the day I went for the contract-signing, one of those days withing exam period. It was a quickie: they told me to go at 11am, I went there, signed the contract, and was off! By 12 noon I was back in NUS and was off to the library to mug again.
I tried taking a full-body shot, but it didn't turn out so nice (Yes I also don't know if my camera has a timer!):
Anyway, I digress again. Yes yes it was the first day of work on May 3rd and of course I had to take photos before I left for Raffles Place.
This was fresh from the shower. I realized my hair isn't quite Prison Break anymore (hmmm shall I have another haircut?), so it was time for some wax.
No more full-body shots this time. Hehe.
Anyway it's getting late and I should turn in now if I want to be up on time tomorrow. I'll leave you with these photos I took at my workplace last Friday. My camera's beeps when I take a shot, so I couldn't take photos while my officemates were around. When they went for a project meeting at 7PM last Friday (official hours are until 630PM, but nobody ever moves at that time 'cos there's a lot of work to be done -- of course we interns can leave early but most of us prefer not to)
You can just tell it's my desk because of the multiple pens and highlighters, and well, what I like to call "organized mess". It works for me, you know. Hehe. It can be sparkling clean on other times of the day, but Friday was particularly heavy, so I have an excuse.:)
I've been working as Junior Analyst at Carrots Consulting for seven days now, or a week and two days. Carrots Consulting may seem to have a strange name, and its small team may make it look like it's a tiny company, but it has big-name clients like Starhub, Singtel, PSA, SMRT, SPH, Singapore Airlines, among others. It's an HR consulting company, involved in salary-benchmarking and development of performance and reward structures for companies. I like the work I'm doing because I can see the application of my major, Statistics, in the field of finance and business. Admittedly though, the work is quite dry, but it's OK, I'm learning and having first-hand experience.
I haven't gotten bored yet, too, so it can't be bad at all. In fact, time flies while I'm at work. Can I actually be enjoying my internship? Haha.
Alright, time to sleep. I'll steal a shot of this lovely painting at the office sometime, and for sure I'll post the photo here.:)
Mama was never the type who would talk long with you on the phone (maybe she's worried about the phone bill, I don't know haha... and it was even me who was doing the calling), but you just know she keeps tabs on you, in an affectionate kind of way.
Now this isn't gonna be a cheesy entry, nope Sir, not at all. It's just another "Hello World" entry to update you guys what I've been up to. And of course, so that Ma will be a bit more pleased when she goes online. Hehe.
I've decided to upload some pictures instead. Haha. I'll upload the pictures from clubbing at Gotham Penthouse when cool partygirl Myriel uploads them on Multiply. (Myriel is unlikely to read this--but here's me intensely hoping/willing/sending off vibes to Myriel in the Philippines so she'd upload the pics soonest!) XD Hot photos there with me, Myriel, Karen, Nestor, Ferron, and Nestor's friend Jonas.:)
OK let's get it on with the photos I do have. The first of the more eventful things t
hat happened lately was of course THE END OF THE EXAMS. The exams happening is one thing, them actually ending is another event altogether, as far as I'm concerned.The first photo at the right isn't the usual look of my room OK -- it was a photo right after my last exam, Financial Mathematics. It was my sixth exam, and the most dreaded too. I think it was Karen (or me?) who said that one's room reflects a person's state of mind, so you can figure out from the photo how much sanity (and dead brain cells) I had left after six grueling exams.
[Room update: I've moved out of my favorite room 801 here at Tower Block of Ridge View Residences, and I'm here now at my friend Aaron's room, 806. It's been a major chore moving out and moving in, and tidying up the place while Aaron's back home in Malaysia, but it's all almost done now, so we just have to get used to it. Aaron and I are such cheapskates, we're sharing the room to split the outrageous $60/week cost of stay for the holidays. And for the record, I'll be sleeping on the floor when he arrives.]
After my last exam on May 2nd, I had lunch with Shirley, my Financial Maths buddy, and headed back to my room for a well-deserved nap. I watched a free musical at the Univ Cultural Centre with Joanne in the afternoon, dropped by the Forum to torture Karen who still had another exam left, and to say hi to Carina, Myriel and Ferron, and went back to my room to rest. Rest was essential because the next day would be my first day at work! (Yes it was no rest for Jose)
One of the perks of doing an internship at a consulting firm is that I get to wear yuppie clothes. Haha. Slacks and long-sleeved shirts. Now I have reason to go shop at G2000. There was a G2000 sale lately and I helped myself to a couple of shirts and pairs of slacks. The photo above wasn't taken on my first day at work though. It was taken on the day I went for the contract-signing, one of those days withing exam period. It was a quickie: they told me to go at 11am, I went there, signed the contract, and was off! By 12 noon I was back in NUS and was off to the library to mug again.I tried taking a full-body shot, but it didn't turn out so nice (Yes I also don't know if my camera has a timer!):
Anyway, I digress again. Yes yes it was the first day of work on May 3rd and of course I had to take photos before I left for Raffles Place.
This was fresh from the shower. I realized my hair isn't quite Prison Break anymore (hmmm shall I have another haircut?), so it was time for some wax.
No more full-body shots this time. Hehe.
Anyway it's getting late and I should turn in now if I want to be up on time tomorrow. I'll leave you with these photos I took at my workplace last Friday. My camera's beeps when I take a shot, so I couldn't take photos while my officemates were around. When they went for a project meeting at 7PM last Friday (official hours are until 630PM, but nobody ever moves at that time 'cos there's a lot of work to be done -- of course we interns can leave early but most of us prefer not to)
You can just tell it's my desk because of the multiple pens and highlighters, and well, what I like to call "organized mess". It works for me, you know. Hehe. It can be sparkling clean on other times of the day, but Friday was particularly heavy, so I have an excuse.:)I've been working as Junior Analyst at Carrots Consulting for seven days now, or a week and two days. Carrots Consulting may seem to have a strange name, and its small team may make it look like it's a tiny company, but it has big-name clients like Starhub, Singtel, PSA, SMRT, SPH, Singapore Airlines, among others. It's an HR consulting company, involved in salary-benchmarking and development of performance and reward structures for companies. I like the work I'm doing because I can see the application of my major, Statistics, in the field of finance and business. Admittedly though, the work is quite dry, but it's OK, I'm learning and having first-hand experience.
I haven't gotten bored yet, too, so it can't be bad at all. In fact, time flies while I'm at work. Can I actually be enjoying my internship? Haha.
Alright, time to sleep. I'll steal a shot of this lovely painting at the office sometime, and for sure I'll post the photo here.:)
Hello World!
Here's a quick holler to the blogosphere just to say Joseph is alive and well, and that an unblogged lot has happened since his last post. He'll update when he shakes off this nasty flu bug, and he gets a break from internship work during the weekend.
Joseph's feeling good tonight -- and he hasn't even toothbrushed nor showered yet! (Will do so in a minute Ma!)
Sweet dreams to you all!
Joseph's feeling good tonight -- and he hasn't even toothbrushed nor showered yet! (Will do so in a minute Ma!)
Sweet dreams to you all!
Joseph's World in Numbers
OK, Joseph has been conspicuously MIA in the blogosphere lately, but for good reason! Mugging season has long begun, and in fact, the exams have been streaming in! Woohooo.
I've been thinking of the exams as this series of random bullets fired away at all of us poor undergrads, and mugging (i.e. studying like crazy) has been our means of defense: crafting out formula sheets, reading and re-reading lectures and tutorials and scriobbling what I like to call 'power notes', and for those with film modules like me, watching movies (haha!) in our deeply concentrated efforts to create a protective intellectual armor (or force field if you like) that could withstand the onslaught of academic bullets during those fateful two-hour sessions in the exam hall. The longer and more intensive one mugs for his papers, the greater the odds he emerges out of the war unscathed.
But to come out unscathed is rather improbable, really, for mere mortals -- we can only hope to come out in good spirits, if at least alive, once the examiner announces his inevitable final words: Stop writing. The poor students flick their pens and pencils away and breathe a sigh of resignation, as the invigilators gather their spoils, or exam papers, rather.
But Joseph digresses. (In fact, this whole blog entry is a digression too actually) This is a blog entry about my current life and state of mind in numbers, and here goes.
6 exams for this semester, 3 of which are over, 3 more to go.
0 number of times Joseph will take six modules ever again, and 0 number of times he will take another fun English module :(. One can only complete a Minor in English Studies too soon, really. And besides, I took 7 English modules already, a module excess of the required 6.
1 internship interview Joseph went for, and 2 days after, he was hired! For 3 months he will be junior analyst at Carrots Consulting, a small firm with big-name local companies as clients. 800 buckaroos will be his compensation per month. Whee.
It will be 8 months before Joseph goes home to the Philippines, and it is the 1st time that he won't be home for about a year -- the longest time ever.
3.50 is the magic number, on which Joseph's Honours year, a.k.a. Year 4, depends, and if he had his way, he'd want to get as far as possible from this borderline.
Now this isn't a number, but Joseph got an A- for the painful EN3242 History of Film essay he wrote some weeks ago, so yey! Thank you Karen for helping me clarify my essay topic and helping to sort out the mess that was my original hazy and muddled argument. :D Thank you, Robert Altman and Jean Renoir, too, for making Gosford Park and The Rules of the Game, which served as the material of interest for my essay.
3241 and 3239 are the hardcore ST (Statistics) modules I'm taking in two days' time, so let the mugging and the panic resume!
Expect another blog entry again in, well, X days. Hee. Wish me luck for the exams!
I've been thinking of the exams as this series of random bullets fired away at all of us poor undergrads, and mugging (i.e. studying like crazy) has been our means of defense: crafting out formula sheets, reading and re-reading lectures and tutorials and scriobbling what I like to call 'power notes', and for those with film modules like me, watching movies (haha!) in our deeply concentrated efforts to create a protective intellectual armor (or force field if you like) that could withstand the onslaught of academic bullets during those fateful two-hour sessions in the exam hall. The longer and more intensive one mugs for his papers, the greater the odds he emerges out of the war unscathed.
But to come out unscathed is rather improbable, really, for mere mortals -- we can only hope to come out in good spirits, if at least alive, once the examiner announces his inevitable final words: Stop writing. The poor students flick their pens and pencils away and breathe a sigh of resignation, as the invigilators gather their spoils, or exam papers, rather.
But Joseph digresses. (In fact, this whole blog entry is a digression too actually) This is a blog entry about my current life and state of mind in numbers, and here goes.
6 exams for this semester, 3 of which are over, 3 more to go.
0 number of times Joseph will take six modules ever again, and 0 number of times he will take another fun English module :(. One can only complete a Minor in English Studies too soon, really. And besides, I took 7 English modules already, a module excess of the required 6.
1 internship interview Joseph went for, and 2 days after, he was hired! For 3 months he will be junior analyst at Carrots Consulting, a small firm with big-name local companies as clients. 800 buckaroos will be his compensation per month. Whee.
It will be 8 months before Joseph goes home to the Philippines, and it is the 1st time that he won't be home for about a year -- the longest time ever.
3.50 is the magic number, on which Joseph's Honours year, a.k.a. Year 4, depends, and if he had his way, he'd want to get as far as possible from this borderline.
Now this isn't a number, but Joseph got an A- for the painful EN3242 History of Film essay he wrote some weeks ago, so yey! Thank you Karen for helping me clarify my essay topic and helping to sort out the mess that was my original hazy and muddled argument. :D Thank you, Robert Altman and Jean Renoir, too, for making Gosford Park and The Rules of the Game, which served as the material of interest for my essay.
3241 and 3239 are the hardcore ST (Statistics) modules I'm taking in two days' time, so let the mugging and the panic resume!
Expect another blog entry again in, well, X days. Hee. Wish me luck for the exams!
Detachment
Detachment is the key to getting any work done.
:(
Joseph is swamped and stumped and stressed and sleepy. He's so tired he could sleep for a week. But no, he must conquer a mind-numbing ten-page film history essay, a statistics assignment involving hours at the lab, a group homework for linguistics class. Fortitude, Jose. Fortitude.
:(
Joseph is swamped and stumped and stressed and sleepy. He's so tired he could sleep for a week. But no, he must conquer a mind-numbing ten-page film history essay, a statistics assignment involving hours at the lab, a group homework for linguistics class. Fortitude, Jose. Fortitude.
Here come the blues
The time's 1:33AM, and I feel like giving myself some good ol' self-flagellation. I shall spare you the gory details, but suffice it to say that exams are in three weeks' time, and Joseph has not received any good news for the entire semester.
Lately he's been distracted too.. wandering around in Multiply and Friendster and Blogger and chitchatting on Yahoo Messenger. His batchmates and close friends in the Philippines are graduating (most of them at least), and he can't help but want to catch up with them before they disperse into the realm of the workplace -- if only to ask how they've been, if they're graduating at all, how they're dealing with the thought of graduation and all. Joseph has also tinkered with the html and CSS codes controlling layout and formatting of his Blogspot and Friendster and Multiply pages, thanks to his newly-installed Photoshop CS2, and Joseph's pleased for the most part, until he remembers he has used up precious mugging time.
But it's not all bad really. Sometimes Joseph can just be temperamental. One moment he's giddy and pleased with himself, the next moment he feels the world is on the verge of crashing down (it hasn't crashed yet, and thus the increased tension and panic).
I wanted to make a happy post, really, a few hours ago -- too bad happy moments tend to just fly by in an instant.
Oh well, thank God for therapy: chocolate, music, and Prison Break. And friends too.
Lately he's been distracted too.. wandering around in Multiply and Friendster and Blogger and chitchatting on Yahoo Messenger. His batchmates and close friends in the Philippines are graduating (most of them at least), and he can't help but want to catch up with them before they disperse into the realm of the workplace -- if only to ask how they've been, if they're graduating at all, how they're dealing with the thought of graduation and all. Joseph has also tinkered with the html and CSS codes controlling layout and formatting of his Blogspot and Friendster and Multiply pages, thanks to his newly-installed Photoshop CS2, and Joseph's pleased for the most part, until he remembers he has used up precious mugging time.
But it's not all bad really. Sometimes Joseph can just be temperamental. One moment he's giddy and pleased with himself, the next moment he feels the world is on the verge of crashing down (it hasn't crashed yet, and thus the increased tension and panic).
I wanted to make a happy post, really, a few hours ago -- too bad happy moments tend to just fly by in an instant.
Oh well, thank God for therapy: chocolate, music, and Prison Break. And friends too.
My Stupid Mouth
Tonight the NUS Choir performed at Amplitude (combined concert of the NUS hall choirs) as guest choir. I rushed off afterwards to attend Rohit's birthday celebration at my hostel. He's my friend Ivy's Indian boyfriend, he lives in the same floor as me (in fact the room I stay in currently was his room last year). Oh and I called my dear Lola Doding this morning. I love talking to my grandmas -- they always seem to just genuinely care. (I called home too, but nobody picked up... maybe they were at Church that time. I'll call some other time instead.=P ) So those are the highlights of today (or yesterday). Nothing much, really. I didn't get to study again and I'm beginning to get annoyed with myself.
* * *
The other night I made a semi-drastic decision. I had my hair shaved off. Ala Michael Scofield of Prison Break. Haha. I didn't do it because I'm such a fan of the show (although I really am), I did it for kicks. Actually it's more of an outward expression of a new change -- the time has come to shift gears and mug like crazy for the upcoming exams. Seriously, it's gonna be dangerous, and it's time to buck up.
My hair has gotten mixed reviews. Karen was stunned and said it's masculine and it's like I've gotten a shot of testosterone (of course she said this in a more "Karen" fashion and I'm just paraphrasing it to cushion the impact); Chun Fang of Choir couldn't help but rub my head every moment she gets; Xianling thinks it's sexy yehey; Kurien wants me to shave it all off instead of leaving some short short length of hair; Aaron realised that my head is triangle-shaped for the first time; Joanne thought it was nice; Yao Hsien calls me Scofield now; and Johannes went, "What did you do to your hair?" as soon as he saw me. Haha I don't care much, really. I like it, it's different, and some people like it -- and that's good enough for me.
* * *
My fellow bass in choir, Zhijin, is this fun and friendly guy from China who does a strange amusing thing: he slaps his face whenever he sings a wrong note. It's adorable really, it's quite cute. Here we are singing in rehearsals, and he suddenly just slaps himself. I could help but chuckle, haha that funny guy.
I'm saying this because I realise I've been talking a bit too much. I talk too fast, that's a given, but I also talk too much. I talk sometimes with less tact than others would expect, I talk crap and just humiliate myself really, I speak my mind at the expense of my dignity. On one hand, I am outspoken -- and that makes me feel good, that somehow I feel deserving of my post as editor of the Outspoken desk of The Ridge. It's good to be outspoken, this I'm absolutely sure of, but there are times too when the right, more prudent, thing to do is to shut up. As I've told newly-elected Choir President Aaron earlier this evening after a verbal spectacle, I've already ruffled some feathers, which is a good thing, but I think my ruffling-feathers time is up. Even in Rohit's party later after Amplitude, my big mouth got the better of me and I think I just embarrassed myself.
Maybe I should follow Zhijin and slap myself too, not when I sing wrong notes, but when I'm about to blurt out stuff that could very well be word vomit.
* * *
The other night I made a semi-drastic decision. I had my hair shaved off. Ala Michael Scofield of Prison Break. Haha. I didn't do it because I'm such a fan of the show (although I really am), I did it for kicks. Actually it's more of an outward expression of a new change -- the time has come to shift gears and mug like crazy for the upcoming exams. Seriously, it's gonna be dangerous, and it's time to buck up.
My hair has gotten mixed reviews. Karen was stunned and said it's masculine and it's like I've gotten a shot of testosterone (of course she said this in a more "Karen" fashion and I'm just paraphrasing it to cushion the impact); Chun Fang of Choir couldn't help but rub my head every moment she gets; Xianling thinks it's sexy yehey; Kurien wants me to shave it all off instead of leaving some short short length of hair; Aaron realised that my head is triangle-shaped for the first time; Joanne thought it was nice; Yao Hsien calls me Scofield now; and Johannes went, "What did you do to your hair?" as soon as he saw me. Haha I don't care much, really. I like it, it's different, and some people like it -- and that's good enough for me.
* * *
My fellow bass in choir, Zhijin, is this fun and friendly guy from China who does a strange amusing thing: he slaps his face whenever he sings a wrong note. It's adorable really, it's quite cute. Here we are singing in rehearsals, and he suddenly just slaps himself. I could help but chuckle, haha that funny guy.
I'm saying this because I realise I've been talking a bit too much. I talk too fast, that's a given, but I also talk too much. I talk sometimes with less tact than others would expect, I talk crap and just humiliate myself really, I speak my mind at the expense of my dignity. On one hand, I am outspoken -- and that makes me feel good, that somehow I feel deserving of my post as editor of the Outspoken desk of The Ridge. It's good to be outspoken, this I'm absolutely sure of, but there are times too when the right, more prudent, thing to do is to shut up. As I've told newly-elected Choir President Aaron earlier this evening after a verbal spectacle, I've already ruffled some feathers, which is a good thing, but I think my ruffling-feathers time is up. Even in Rohit's party later after Amplitude, my big mouth got the better of me and I think I just embarrassed myself.
Maybe I should follow Zhijin and slap myself too, not when I sing wrong notes, but when I'm about to blurt out stuff that could very well be word vomit.
Waiting for my rocket to come
So, where have my blue skies gone?
And so I remain... sitting, waiting, wishing, for that rocket to come.
Who knew that a film history essay could be so bloody painful?
And so I remain... sitting, waiting, wishing, for that rocket to come.
Who knew that a film history essay could be so bloody painful?
Wala Lang
Too many blogworthy events happened lately, and as usual, I haven't the time to blog.
I thought I'd mention the following in passing, by way of a short phrase, but it turned out much longer, so I'm making it a separate paragraph. The significant events were the memorable and enjoyable NUS Choir concert (small ensemble was the smallest group I sang in and with the biggest crowd), the interesting Choir elections earlier tonight (Congrats Aaron and Nadia, and I'm seriously gonna miss you Iris, Huai Zhi, Kurien and Joanne and the exchange students!), the Keng Khoon send-off at Changi airport last night (ex-Choir President is going to Germany for exchange), Karen's big break in the form of a Masters program on Infectious Diseases in Switzerland(!!), the application form of which I sent to Biopolis so she's especially thankful to me, my midterm tests and the stinging results (in large part because of carelessness), my movie marathon at Central Library waiting for that epiphany of a good essay topic for my Film History essay (I'm thinking of doing Robert Altman's Gosford Park and highlighting its parallel with Jean Renoir's The Rules of the Game, but the unanswered big question is: So what?), and that small proud moment when, after having answered a question posted by my Financial Mathematics lecturer in our tutorial class, and the lecturer said he wasn't satisfied, I spoke up, "But the answer is not wrong, Sir, right? It's not the best answer, but it satisfies all the conditions given by the question, so it can't be wrong. It can be improved, yes, but it's not wrong." (He smiled and wanted to answer, but since there was a similar question in the midterm, and a student was to take the make-up test that evening, he said he'll explain another time.)
So what is this post about again? I guess it's a wala lang post. "Wala lang" means "just nothing" in Filipino, and that's what this post is all about. Sort of a "just because" post -- you know, the sort that's of no particular pressing reason, but it's just there.
Joseph is exhausted now, but he wishes everyone well, especially the choir members he'll miss, the choir members who have just/will step up soon, the sad and disappointed, the dutiful ones who strive to do their best despite poor returns. God please give me strength to face the coming weeks -- it's gonna get bumpy from now on.
Gooood night, dear reader.
I thought I'd mention the following in passing, by way of a short phrase, but it turned out much longer, so I'm making it a separate paragraph. The significant events were the memorable and enjoyable NUS Choir concert (small ensemble was the smallest group I sang in and with the biggest crowd), the interesting Choir elections earlier tonight (Congrats Aaron and Nadia, and I'm seriously gonna miss you Iris, Huai Zhi, Kurien and Joanne and the exchange students!), the Keng Khoon send-off at Changi airport last night (ex-Choir President is going to Germany for exchange), Karen's big break in the form of a Masters program on Infectious Diseases in Switzerland(!!), the application form of which I sent to Biopolis so she's especially thankful to me, my midterm tests and the stinging results (in large part because of carelessness), my movie marathon at Central Library waiting for that epiphany of a good essay topic for my Film History essay (I'm thinking of doing Robert Altman's Gosford Park and highlighting its parallel with Jean Renoir's The Rules of the Game, but the unanswered big question is: So what?), and that small proud moment when, after having answered a question posted by my Financial Mathematics lecturer in our tutorial class, and the lecturer said he wasn't satisfied, I spoke up, "But the answer is not wrong, Sir, right? It's not the best answer, but it satisfies all the conditions given by the question, so it can't be wrong. It can be improved, yes, but it's not wrong." (He smiled and wanted to answer, but since there was a similar question in the midterm, and a student was to take the make-up test that evening, he said he'll explain another time.)
So what is this post about again? I guess it's a wala lang post. "Wala lang" means "just nothing" in Filipino, and that's what this post is all about. Sort of a "just because" post -- you know, the sort that's of no particular pressing reason, but it's just there.
Joseph is exhausted now, but he wishes everyone well, especially the choir members he'll miss, the choir members who have just/will step up soon, the sad and disappointed, the dutiful ones who strive to do their best despite poor returns. God please give me strength to face the coming weeks -- it's gonna get bumpy from now on.
Gooood night, dear reader.
Agent Tomato
My longtime friend Agent Tomato has been scolding me just now. He says I've been acting childish and emo and immature. He'd get me a lollipop too if that's the only way to pacify me.
Nope, I said. It's bad enough I've been making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'll try to grow up on my own.
But really, what's the fuss about? It's just another much-ado-about-nothing case.
Anyway nice to know you're back Agent T. Those were happy days of long ago!
Nope, I said. It's bad enough I've been making a mountain out of a mole hill, I'll try to grow up on my own.
But really, what's the fuss about? It's just another much-ado-about-nothing case.
Anyway nice to know you're back Agent T. Those were happy days of long ago!
Found and Lost again
I found my lost tickets! Yey. Thanks for the concern everyone, thanks to Johni for helping me locate the missing file, and to my dear Ma and Dad for sending me encouraging messages via SMS or email. Thanks too to those who just knew and trusted that I would find the tickets. Sometimes I worry too much and don't trust enough.
* * *
Sometimes too I trust too much. I don't know whether this is just me being overacting and emo, but it sucks when one is disillusioned -- whether it's a belief in self, a belief in something or someone or a belief in those lofty intangibles like friendship and love and family.
It's pretty mundane, really, and it's not worth posting here. *Joseph thinks twice whether to mention it or not and decides he's saying it regardless* It's about hotel room assignment in the choir competition in Pattaya, Thailand in July. This morning, we had to choose our roommates as there would be four persons sharing a room.
I thought I had considered this small group of basses to be my good friends over the past year/s, and I had naturally thought I'd be sharing a room with them. After all, four is quite a big number and there's a lot of leeway.
Oh well, suffice it to say I have still yet to find my roommates.
Anybody from choir who reads this don't mention it to them basses OK.
Maybe it's a good thing too. It's time we all get disillusioned, really, to allow us to view reality in sharp detail. I'm not friendless anyway. Besides, why should I be surprised really? This has happened so many times to me before, even before Choir, even before Singapore.
Also, I've been too high-strung and irritable lately because of the work I have to do for my extra-curriculars and school, so maybe I haven't been much fun company, and yeah, sometimes I even feel I should detach myself from the world so I don't spread my misery.
Still I feel that, precisely because of the sorry state I'm in, that I need my friends the most. That's why I thoroughly appreciate my other friends now, and of course my family, even if you all are thousands of miles away.
* * *
Financial mathematics has this ability to make me feel stupid. I'm making progress, yes, but Monday is nearing so quickly, I'm not sure I have enough energy and happy thoughts and brain reserves in my knapsack to keep me going.
* * *
I met Sgt. Pepper today again. He was reaching for his back with his fingers.
"I'm massaging myself," he said. "Nobody would do it for me otherwise."
I offered him a bar of Cadbury chocolate (The Gift of Happiness, said the box of 8 bars), and some Ferrero Rocher. It was all good and yummy, until we ran out.
* * *
Sometimes too I trust too much. I don't know whether this is just me being overacting and emo, but it sucks when one is disillusioned -- whether it's a belief in self, a belief in something or someone or a belief in those lofty intangibles like friendship and love and family.
It's pretty mundane, really, and it's not worth posting here. *Joseph thinks twice whether to mention it or not and decides he's saying it regardless* It's about hotel room assignment in the choir competition in Pattaya, Thailand in July. This morning, we had to choose our roommates as there would be four persons sharing a room.
I thought I had considered this small group of basses to be my good friends over the past year/s, and I had naturally thought I'd be sharing a room with them. After all, four is quite a big number and there's a lot of leeway.
Oh well, suffice it to say I have still yet to find my roommates.
Anybody from choir who reads this don't mention it to them basses OK.
Maybe it's a good thing too. It's time we all get disillusioned, really, to allow us to view reality in sharp detail. I'm not friendless anyway. Besides, why should I be surprised really? This has happened so many times to me before, even before Choir, even before Singapore.
Also, I've been too high-strung and irritable lately because of the work I have to do for my extra-curriculars and school, so maybe I haven't been much fun company, and yeah, sometimes I even feel I should detach myself from the world so I don't spread my misery.
Still I feel that, precisely because of the sorry state I'm in, that I need my friends the most. That's why I thoroughly appreciate my other friends now, and of course my family, even if you all are thousands of miles away.
* * *
Financial mathematics has this ability to make me feel stupid. I'm making progress, yes, but Monday is nearing so quickly, I'm not sure I have enough energy and happy thoughts and brain reserves in my knapsack to keep me going.
* * *
I met Sgt. Pepper today again. He was reaching for his back with his fingers.
"I'm massaging myself," he said. "Nobody would do it for me otherwise."
I offered him a bar of Cadbury chocolate (The Gift of Happiness, said the box of 8 bars), and some Ferrero Rocher. It was all good and yummy, until we ran out.
Lost
Sigh.
As Secretary of the Choir and Head of Marketing, I've been working my ass off spamming, faxing, calling churches, schools and companies to either buy tickets for the concert or
advertise in our concert booklet. (And as I've mentioned, this is taking its toll on my studies.)
Now guess what. I was looking for the tickets I took out and "sold" to friends (although I haven't physically given them the tix yet), and realized that the Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony file I have, the one I thought I placed the tickets in, is not mine after all. I swapped with this guy from tenor, based on some random sheets of paper slotted inside.
And it sucks even more because aside from my seven tickets, I also stored (plan was temporarily) Choir VP Aaron's five tickets there too.
So yes, my file is lost, the tickets are lost, and if I don't find them soon, I may have to pay
12 x $10.60 (early bird tix) = a lot of money I can't afford to stupidly lose. What's more, there are no more early bird tickets, so I'd have to rely on the good graces of those I sold the early bird tix so they'd be willing to pay the standard ticket price $13. (Don't worry, guys, I'll do my best to find the lost ones.)
Haaay. Ironic that I have to pay a fortune for this blunder after all the shit I've been doing to promote the concert.
God please tell me this is just one joke, and it's soon gonna be over. :(
As Secretary of the Choir and Head of Marketing, I've been working my ass off spamming, faxing, calling churches, schools and companies to either buy tickets for the concert or
advertise in our concert booklet. (And as I've mentioned, this is taking its toll on my studies.)
Now guess what. I was looking for the tickets I took out and "sold" to friends (although I haven't physically given them the tix yet), and realized that the Freshmen Inauguration Ceremony file I have, the one I thought I placed the tickets in, is not mine after all. I swapped with this guy from tenor, based on some random sheets of paper slotted inside.
And it sucks even more because aside from my seven tickets, I also stored (plan was temporarily) Choir VP Aaron's five tickets there too.
So yes, my file is lost, the tickets are lost, and if I don't find them soon, I may have to pay
12 x $10.60 (early bird tix) = a lot of money I can't afford to stupidly lose. What's more, there are no more early bird tickets, so I'd have to rely on the good graces of those I sold the early bird tix so they'd be willing to pay the standard ticket price $13. (Don't worry, guys, I'll do my best to find the lost ones.)
Haaay. Ironic that I have to pay a fortune for this blunder after all the shit I've been doing to promote the concert.
God please tell me this is just one joke, and it's soon gonna be over. :(
Send it up
I'm really at my wit's end right now, and I can't believe I'm still busy with Choir stuff when I really should be studying for my midterm tests next week.
It's just so draining sometimes and it's very tempting to give up. I also realized that the fate of my possible Honours Year next year depends largely on my performance in Monday's Financial Maths test, which constitutes 40% of the grade. I'm scared shit during tutorials, because a lot of the problems I cannot do, and the lecturer seems to assume that the students already know what he considers "straightforward" and "trivial" matters.
I sincerely pray that God will help me, and I be in the proper disposition to study and absorb the content of my lecture notes and tutorial sheets.
My parents have been urging me to drop my CCAs, but I counter that the extra-curricular work will be over soon, so I'm just hanging in there. This decision doesn't give me any more time to study though.
I know I should just send it all up -- offer these challenges to Him while doing my best to overcome the hurdles that come my way. And I think I'll do just that.
It's just so draining sometimes and it's very tempting to give up. I also realized that the fate of my possible Honours Year next year depends largely on my performance in Monday's Financial Maths test, which constitutes 40% of the grade. I'm scared shit during tutorials, because a lot of the problems I cannot do, and the lecturer seems to assume that the students already know what he considers "straightforward" and "trivial" matters.
I sincerely pray that God will help me, and I be in the proper disposition to study and absorb the content of my lecture notes and tutorial sheets.
My parents have been urging me to drop my CCAs, but I counter that the extra-curricular work will be over soon, so I'm just hanging in there. This decision doesn't give me any more time to study though.
I know I should just send it all up -- offer these challenges to Him while doing my best to overcome the hurdles that come my way. And I think I'll do just that.
Catching Up
Woohooo what do you know, a surprise post from me.
Wow it's been incredibly busy the past weeks and it's not gonna slow down anytime soon, but Jose's catching up baby. I've been overwhelmed the past few weeks -- overwhelmed with a lot of work, then overwhelmed with Nothing, which in turn led to a more thoroughly overwhelmed me most recently.
But I'm catching up soon you guys. I've done SO MUCH WORK for NUS Choir today I ought to get paid. Seriously. You know you're doing too much secretary work when the idea of an airconditioned office and cubicles and fax machines and PCs and swivel chairs on wheels suddenly seem a little bit more appealing to you. It's not a bad thing too, really.
Anyway the thing that's nagging me, really, is my collective schoolwork, which will take a more vicious and aggressive stance in the form of three midterm tests, beginning Monday. The scariest test is Financial Mathematics, and I have yet to gather enough intellectual weaponry to overcome it. But as I've said, I'm catching up. :)
I also wanna do some catch-up with people -- even my birthday greeters from two weeks back! Bad Joseph even missed to thank some of you. I will, I will. The friends who messaged me on Friendster or Multiply or via SMS or even in person, yes I'll catch up with you all. My family too, how're you all doing? :)
A lot has been happening, and I haven't even recounted what happened on my birthday yet. Anyway, I'm taking it in stride, I'm gaining little victories every day (however mundane), and it's gonna be all perfectly fine in two or three weeks' time.
I should be pissed really, for being swamped and sandwiched and trapped, but I'm making the rational choice to play Mr. Brightside. Maybe it's an Ash Wednesday thing -- I'm beginning to find joy in sacrifice.
Have a blessed Ash Wednesday to you all.
P.S.
Joseph was elected last week as Executive Editor for Features (encompassing Outspoken, Transmedia, and Lifestyle desks) of The Ridge. I assume the new position (from being Outspoken Editor) beginning next academic year. Haha, does that mean I have to do Honours Year now?
Wow it's been incredibly busy the past weeks and it's not gonna slow down anytime soon, but Jose's catching up baby. I've been overwhelmed the past few weeks -- overwhelmed with a lot of work, then overwhelmed with Nothing, which in turn led to a more thoroughly overwhelmed me most recently.
But I'm catching up soon you guys. I've done SO MUCH WORK for NUS Choir today I ought to get paid. Seriously. You know you're doing too much secretary work when the idea of an airconditioned office and cubicles and fax machines and PCs and swivel chairs on wheels suddenly seem a little bit more appealing to you. It's not a bad thing too, really.
Anyway the thing that's nagging me, really, is my collective schoolwork, which will take a more vicious and aggressive stance in the form of three midterm tests, beginning Monday. The scariest test is Financial Mathematics, and I have yet to gather enough intellectual weaponry to overcome it. But as I've said, I'm catching up. :)
I also wanna do some catch-up with people -- even my birthday greeters from two weeks back! Bad Joseph even missed to thank some of you. I will, I will. The friends who messaged me on Friendster or Multiply or via SMS or even in person, yes I'll catch up with you all. My family too, how're you all doing? :)
A lot has been happening, and I haven't even recounted what happened on my birthday yet. Anyway, I'm taking it in stride, I'm gaining little victories every day (however mundane), and it's gonna be all perfectly fine in two or three weeks' time.
I should be pissed really, for being swamped and sandwiched and trapped, but I'm making the rational choice to play Mr. Brightside. Maybe it's an Ash Wednesday thing -- I'm beginning to find joy in sacrifice.
Have a blessed Ash Wednesday to you all.
P.S.
Joseph was elected last week as Executive Editor for Features (encompassing Outspoken, Transmedia, and Lifestyle desks) of The Ridge. I assume the new position (from being Outspoken Editor) beginning next academic year. Haha, does that mean I have to do Honours Year now?
Not the Birthday Post
To paraphrase what I had mentioned many times before, the "eventfulness" of an event isn't measured by the presence or absence of blog entry to chronicle it, especially in this age when the great issues of the world can be given equal blog treatment as the mundane.
While I still believe that, I'm making an exception. I believe that one's birthday -- a person's own space and time of all the days of a year -- must be treated with enough attention and regard that it is rendered "blogworthy", even if it is mentioned only in passing.
That's why it saddens me that I haven't found the time to blog about my 21st birthday. It's a combination of fatigue, laziness, distraction, and just the good old CCA and School work that's been keeping me busy.
It was a happy day, though, February 8th. I thought it would rival last year as the worst birthday ever (OK that's slightly an exaggeration, but only slightly), and it did, for a while, until my friends and family came to save the day, in various methods of communicating their presence. I appreciate it all.
I'll write a proper blog entry for that day, it really depends, in large part, to The Ridge, NUS Choir, and Financial Mathematics and my five other modules.
While I still believe that, I'm making an exception. I believe that one's birthday -- a person's own space and time of all the days of a year -- must be treated with enough attention and regard that it is rendered "blogworthy", even if it is mentioned only in passing.
That's why it saddens me that I haven't found the time to blog about my 21st birthday. It's a combination of fatigue, laziness, distraction, and just the good old CCA and School work that's been keeping me busy.
It was a happy day, though, February 8th. I thought it would rival last year as the worst birthday ever (OK that's slightly an exaggeration, but only slightly), and it did, for a while, until my friends and family came to save the day, in various methods of communicating their presence. I appreciate it all.
I'll write a proper blog entry for that day, it really depends, in large part, to The Ridge, NUS Choir, and Financial Mathematics and my five other modules.
Mr. Brightside
"If anything," Sgt. Pepper was telling me earlier tonight, "this whole experience has taught me to appreciate myself more, to find solace in solitude, to hang on to those to whom I matter, to take more notice of what I am capable of (never mind whatever else), and to be more keenly aware of the presence of God."
Well said. Your rainy days will just be miserable if you don't find anything to be joyful and thankful for, really. I wish you happy days, Sgt. Pepper.
Ma sent me an email to say, among a few other things, that my granduncle Lolo Gario passed away a few days ago. He and his brother, my own grandfather Lolo Yoyong, who had passed away in 2001, were very close, and they had nothing but the fondest memories of each other. Mama was saying that she could imagine them having a good time in heaven right about now, and I guess that's the way to look at it.
I visited Lolo Gario in my short trip to the Philippines in December. He lived an hour away from my Davao City, and their extended home was most accommodating to me and my grandma. He was not in good health, though; he had then just suffered a stroke, he was thin, his speech had turned mostly unintelligible.
(Photo: [counterclockwise] Lolo Gario, his sister Lola Ime, his grandson and my cousin Tyron, Lola Gloria his wife, and my Lola Doding)
We were never really close, really. I seldom met him. But he was family, he had this peculiar familial warmth about him when we met, and I can't help but be a bit sad. Say hi to Lolo Yoyong for me, Lolo Gario. :)
Well said. Your rainy days will just be miserable if you don't find anything to be joyful and thankful for, really. I wish you happy days, Sgt. Pepper.
Ma sent me an email to say, among a few other things, that my granduncle Lolo Gario passed away a few days ago. He and his brother, my own grandfather Lolo Yoyong, who had passed away in 2001, were very close, and they had nothing but the fondest memories of each other. Mama was saying that she could imagine them having a good time in heaven right about now, and I guess that's the way to look at it.
I visited Lolo Gario in my short trip to the Philippines in December. He lived an hour away from my Davao City, and their extended home was most accommodating to me and my grandma. He was not in good health, though; he had then just suffered a stroke, he was thin, his speech had turned mostly unintelligible.
We were never really close, really. I seldom met him. But he was family, he had this peculiar familial warmth about him when we met, and I can't help but be a bit sad. Say hi to Lolo Yoyong for me, Lolo Gario. :)
Sgt. Pepper
I was walking one night when a little man called me.
"I've been following you around. Fix me, I'm broken," he said.
And that's how I met Sgt. Pepper.
"I've been following you around. Fix me, I'm broken," he said.
And that's how I met Sgt. Pepper.
